Judgemental Parenting

tantrum

I, RARELY get riled up or my feelings hurt, but a few weeks ago there was video being posted ad nauseam around Facebook of a boy throwing a tantrum.  Seeing that video did both.

I know it’s natural to want to judge this child’s mom and years ago I would have, but today instead I feel sadness, compassion and sick to my stomach that another mom could possibly have to feel what I felt years ago. Could she have pulled over the car and handled it differently? Yes! I don’t disagree with that argument.  Should he have been seat belted? Yes! Should he have grabbed the steering wheel? NO!  However, until you have experienced the trauma of your child having an out of body, out of control, almost paralyzing tantrum you can’t even begin to understand!

I don’t talk much about the difficulties as a mom I had several years ago, but this video and judging has enraged me as much as saddened me.  My guy was a limit tester, difficult personality and disrespectful, so I thought. What I didn’t know was that he struggled daily with feelings that no 4 year old should have to. We disciplined and told him we were the parents. He needed to be a man of his word and many nights ended with power struggles and tears. I felt like I was a horrible mom.  What did I do wrong with this one?  Can I save him?  How about fix him?  The thoughts that ran through my head were hard to fathom and made me sick.  I goggled on more than one occasion childhood bipolar and ODD disorder.  I prayed and pleaded for answers because I knew it wasn’t long before I couldn’t control him.  I loved him so much, but many days I didn’t like him.

I tell you all of this because I’m sure so many people wanted to judge me and my parenting and had no idea the whole picture. I took videos of my son and took them to the pediatrician and told him that I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I had done it all. We even removed EVERYTHING from his room except this bed.  We thought it was a power struggle!  The pediatrician hugged me and told me to try taking red dye out of his diet. I tried it and didn’t tell anyone.  I didn’t want anyone to know in case it failed thinking once again what I was trying was a reflection on me if it didn’t work.  Two to three weeks later (it takes 72 hours from consumption for it to be totally out of his body) we had a new child. That was until they celebrated a birthday at school with cookies and red sprinkles. Then all hell broke loose. From that day on he has consumed red dye once that I am aware of.  He has come soooo soooo so far. He is an amazing, smart, charming kid! One I am proud of, one I can see accomplish great things, one I can see make mistake, but learn from them. One who isn’t perfect, but is striving to be great.

We don’t know what factors play into this video and instead of judging this mom pray for her, pray for her son, pray for peace and him to calm down, pray she doesn’t have to feel judged or sad, pray this never happens to you or your child.

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