This Little Light of Mine 

  
I haven’t shared this story with many, but today I shared it twice. One was to a friend who is struggling and needs hope.  The other is a friend who in the next few months will have to say goodbye to her dad.

I was always raised in church and to do the right thing, but it wasn’t until I hit the lowest point in my life when I got divorced that I had to pray each and every day to not hate and to instead simply be nice every day. I remember wanting to be mean and hateful to my ex because with us divorcing I was dealt a card I didn’t want. I wanted to shout how he ruined my life and how I got married to stay married. 

I started attending church regularly and met my amazing mentor Vicky. She prayed and cried and prayed and pushed and prayed and one day I woke up and knew I was going to be ok. 

When my dad died I knew I was ok because I had survived my marriage falling apart and my parents had helped me through that awful time. I knew my dads passing was going to be hard, but my daughters experience gave me so much peace that I knew my future was in heaven and that I can live one day at a time in order to live the life that God is gifting me. 

I shared Roosties story with these two friends to show them even with death there is hope. Even with stress there is joy and even with pain and suffering there is goodness. We are all vehicles to provide hope, joy and goodness to others. We never know what blessings God is going to give us, but they are there. And I know that we will receive those gifts at the most unexpected times. 

Roostie came down one morning after my dad died and she said that she felt someone shake her gently awake and she thought it was the boys.  She opened her eyes and my dad was standing beside her bed with her flower blanket and had it kiss her three times on the cheek. She said she told him I “was sad without him” and he said, “I know but we will be together one day.” She said she told him, “when Jesus comes to get her she will run to him” and he said he had to go check on the boys and they hugged.

I asked her what he was wearing and she said a gown and I said, “what color” and she said, “mommy it wasn’t a color I’ve ever seen before!”
I hadn’t questioned where my dad was, I hadn’t pleaded knowing he was ok, but God knew that even though I wasn’t asking that I needed something concrete. I like something to grasp. 5 year olds can’t make stories up like that. 

That day I stopped worrying and I started trusting. This year has been a year that in the past my nerves would have been frayed and maybe even severed, but after that day my faith multiplied. I found bravery when I felt Satan trying to insert himself into my life and I found confidence to say aloud over and over that, “I trust God!” 

I don’t profess much loud and clear often, but I hope that my friends and family can say they saw me grow and mature.  I hope that they see me speak life into people when I feel they need it!  

I hope that people who don’t believe In heaven or God second guess themselves just because I shared something that made them think. I hope that people that have lost hope know that I will help them find it.

Thank you God for using Autry and my dad in my life.  Please let me make a difference in the lives of others who are desperate. Let them see the light of Hope that I have burning inside me in order to make a difference in them. 

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