Today, I had a meeting. It was a pretty neutral meeting. Not great not terrible. It didn’t generate the outcome I wanted for today, but the door is still open.
When I left I just drove. I didn’t have anywhere to be. I had stuff on my to do list And honestly they will get done. They just aren’t pressing. I realized I could go left to head home or right to come visit my dad.
I’ve dreaded this day. I didn’t want to be weak. I didn’t want to cry. So here I sit. At first, I prayed. I thanked God for choosing Deryck Barber to be my dad. Then I told God, I hope they get texting in heaven soon. I decided to blog in the peacefulness I am surrounded by.
I’m sitting on the bench we picked out to be placed beside my dad. It has loved inscribed on it. I was loved. I am not your normal daddy’s girl. We had a strange relationship! He was real with me, hard on me, pushed me and encouraged me.
My dad was a softy a lot of the times, funny, kind and sentimental. Sometimes I wondered why he treated me harder. I sit here now and know! He saw something in me (that maybe only my mom sees besides him). He saw my potential.
Many times I have tried to do things and I was successful at them because I knew I could. Then I would stop because I grew tired and bored. My dad would push and ask what’s next. Sometimes, it would hurt my feelings. I thought what I was doing wasn’t good enough.
Today, I know I was good enough, I am good enough and that I will always be good enough. He equipped me with self esteem, drive and the ability to get things done without help. He taught me to be resourceful. He made me problem solve.
He wasn’t being mean, like I thought he was loving me and teaching me a valuable lesson. I’m grateful that today I see it more clear than ever before that I am equipped, I am ready and I am all that I am because I had those parents.
Those parents who let me fall when I needed to fall, taught when I needed teaching, rescued when I needed rescuing and supported me in all of life. My dad may not be physically here any more, but his heart and love surround me everyday.
I can tell you that heaven is a whole lot funnier, kinder and even more special than I ever dreamed.
And it’s all because of MY DAD!